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[03 Jun 2009|02:18pm] i want to scream......and i want to cry......and i want so much for you to understand both.....and i want someone to just hold me.....because thats the mood im in.....i want to be held and told that everything is fine and that im only feeling this way because its that time of the month (even though secretly i know that its not just because of that).........and i want to go away....and i want to be missed.....and i want you to understand why certain things are important to me......and i want you to understand why certain things upset me and i want you to care enough to actually care......and not just say it to shut me the hell up......i want you to mean it like you use too.....you at least make me believe it like i use too..... and next weeks my birthday and its going to suck....and i know its going to suck and i dont want it to.....but its that feeling i have in the pit of my stomach....like "kid dont expect greatness because its gonna be a shitty one" and it just ahhhh........ i want to scream.....and hit something......and just cry.......and i want to be understood and i want you to get it and i want you to know......and i want you not to be a jerk and tell me that im getting upset over nothing.....because these NOTHINGS are SOMETHING to me......not that it matters very much in the big vast universe.....but to me it does....in my life....in my world....in my tiny but still very much there universe...... i want next week to be a good week.....i want my birthday to be a good one......i want the concert not to suck entirely and i want to have fun despite the people who are going.....i want to find a job.....i want to have a purpose.....and i want to ...i dont know ....i want a lot of things in life......who doesnt? i want to hang out with my friends....i want to go on adventures......i want to do something besides sit at home and stare at four walls and a computer screen.......i want FUN and summer....and laughs and inside jokes and times that i wouldnt trade for the life of me.......and i want things to be fun again.....with you........and i want to see lena.....oh and shannon...actually i want to visit shannon at her house in the middle of nowhere nad have a fire in the back yard while her dad tells some scary stories........i want to go to the drive in movie......and i want to...do alot of things that i dont think are gonna happen..... but i want things to be fun and with not so much yelling and frustration and without people being jerks because they can be.....because life wasnt always like that yea kno...... but most of all i want someone to be there.....because i can count on them......because they want to be....and because they really do care...... heres to summer 2009</3 and heres to hoping my birthday isnt totally a waste         post comment

going to stir crazy [27 May 2009|09:52am] I am going crazy......with no work and nothing to do during the day i am going freaking nuts.....i do nothing ALL the time and its making me freaking crazy.....and celeste michelle katie and bridgette are all working.....and sherry is always "doing laundry" or sleeping, or playing on her fucking phone.....and i just cant take being bored anymore...... freaking shoot me..... post comment

having some trouble [22 Apr 2009|09:55pm] So tomorrow is my last day at work....and let me tell you its not exactly by choice of course......i got layed off and although i wasnt always fond of my job....it paid my bills, and it paid for a lot of other things....and so ive been a complete mess because true be told im really upset and ive tried to play it off and ive tried to be ok all week and joke and be like 2 more days....but in reality i dont want to leave at all not even close and so im upset...... and just once id be nice if one of my friends was there for me....ANY OF THEM......ive been a mess all night and i couldnt find a friend if i had a fucking fishing pole....... so whatever....heres to one door closing and trying to find an open window........ </3 post comment

let me give you the low down.... [21 Mar 2009|11:29pm] This past week and such has been mad crazy.... thats because we are now entering HELL WEEK for Crazy for You for Gloucester Catholic which is just nuts because everyone is trying to help make this show come together even just a little bit and it seems like everyone but the cast (minus a handful) care.....its just nuts i tell yea..... And on top of all of that....i have a new person moving into my house...and so moms being cleaning and bitching bout how i have to help and then theres life...and work and its just been freaking out of control around here..... And i understand how many people can get stressed and pissy because people are bitching about the show and then theres other life things that are going on and other things that need to get done besides Crazy for You and i get it....i do.... ....i just wish when theatre things came up or around things were so......hectic and stressful and people werent always pissy and others didnt have to walk on egg shells.... Oh good grief on a positive note...we are one step closer to finishing crazy for you <3 missing mr. big<3..........ill follow you when the stars go blue <3 post comment

Im going crazy.... [09 Mar 2009|10:30am] This weekend was a really good weekend....and the weather was really amazing and now...here i am at work....craving summer time...and bonfires and BASEBALL GAMES!!!! and playing outside....because thats what this weekend was like..... oh how i love spring <3 <3333 post comment

[04 Mar 2009|02:29pm] i wish i felt like you cared..... i wish your actions were louder than your words.... i wish you would show....something.....anything.... ..... 1 comment|post comment

Work today [20 Feb 2009|08:58pm] Shannon always writes the best stories about work and people who call up and all of those interesting and funny phone conversations....well today i have one of my own.... So heres a little information before the conversation..... I do sales orders, i get them from a company via email and i imput them into our computer system i then print out a confirmation and picking list and ship the shit from our warehouse. ...The people who i get the orders from via email are usually companies, who then call to follow up and i give them the status and trackin and they pass it on to the individual customers...so i dont have to deal with random people who ordered shit, i deal with the companies they ordered the shit from.....so with that being said i get a phone call this afternoon this is how it goes Me: Hello Kelly Speaking Customer: Hi Kelly this is Vanessa from Foamorder (a company i do busy with) Me: Hi Vanessa how can i help you today Vanessa: I am calling to get the tracking on a shipment Me: Can i have the customers Name and tracking number please Vanessa- surely its ------ (whatever it was) Me: Vanessa that hasnt shipped yet Vanessa- Didn't Larry call and set up a pick up (her coworker) Me- No i never heard from Larry Vanessa- Ugh...what a DOUCHE....ok thanks anyway.... I almost dropped the phone.....she called her coworker a DOUCHE while on the phone with me.....it may not be the funniest story but it sure made me laugh post comment

Vacay [18 Feb 2009|02:58pm] I want to go on vacation...... actually i really really really really wanna go to Disney.... LIKE SOOOOOO BADLY post comment

[15 Feb 2009|07:00pm] I dont know what to right...... or even begin...... i am LOST.... and i wish you would care to find me...... post comment

[28 Jan 2009|03:16pm] Today marks 2 weeks since i had my wisdom teeth removed....and let me just tell you...that my friends was an experience....that was something....i'm still achy in my jaw bone, especially with the shitty weather outside, and asprin is now my drug of choice....hopefully i wont burn a hole in my stomach. But i feel 100% better then i did a week ago, which is good, and i can eat...real food...although the whole rinsing thing is annoying so anytime my holes in my mouth wanna close up, i will be quite thankful! The semester has started and it seems like this semester isn't going to be too bad which is a good thing....its nice because ive had these professors already so i know what to expect, and its nice not being a newbie anymore. =) plus im almost done...wooo on other notes...im cranky this week and im not sure why...i dont know if its because of the meds i was taking for my teeth messing with my bc pills or what...but im cranky, and tired...and just annoyed at the little things.... post comment

Wisdom Teeth... [20 Jan 2009|03:47pm] let me start of by saying that i am 23 years old....i had braces on my mouth for 8 years total (on and off) i did the whole "spacer" thing and metal brackets, had them tightened and all that crap...and im a sissy and a half.....my pain tolerence is LOW....and especially for  MOUTH....very low for my mouth....im a big baby....and i just got my wisdom teeth out.... now most of my friends had their teeth out in hs, our senior year and if i could redo it, i would do it then....because now that im 23 im unable to handle pain in the least....and i will say this is VERY PAINFUL....i thought this wont be SOOOOO bad i mean...all my friends had 4 teeth out im only getting 2...come on....yea SILLY FUCKING ME.... needless to say itll be a week tomorrow, i had 2 dry sockets and am curently sick to my stomach bc of the shit the dr gave me....and im hungry for food but it hurts to eat, or throw up or yawn..... Dear Evolution/GOD/Nature- WHY MUST YOU GIVE US WISDOM TEETH IF WE DONT NEED THEM????? RIDDLE ME THAT BATMAN! sincerly.. a disgruntled kelly bain post comment

Wisdom.... [16 Jan 2009|08:41pm] You weren't there, You never were, You want it all, But that's not fair, I gave you life, I gave my all, You weren't there, You let me fall. post comment

[12 Jan 2009|03:01pm] ....Well 2009 is off and running and i can't really tell what kind of year its going to be....i hope a really good one...but its too early to be sure about that yet..... alot has happened in just a few weeks already.....this year sure looks to be a busy one if nothing else....my car was making noises and then it stopped, THANK GOD...so that was a good thing.....Joey ended up getting surgery already.....he had his gal bladder and hernia removed...which i guess now is a good thing.....hes still recoping so hopefully he feels better soon..... i get my two bottom wisdom teeth out on wednesday and im a little nervous, ive heard everyone bitch that im concerned a little....hopefully everything will be fine...and i wont be so bad..... i start classes next tuesday and after looking at everything....if i take summer classes i could be done by december 2009 or if i dont i can be done spring 2010 which is both exciting and scary at the same time...i will have my MASTERS????AHHHHHHHH other than all of that i guess life isnt too bad....the bar finally came and it looks good.....things seem to be alright in life.... ohh and im goin to start jumping rope....and im getting the bender ball.....because god knows summer will be here soon enough post comment

[31 Dec 2008|04:46pm] i can't believe a year went by so fast..... Happy New Year <3 Here's to hoping 2009 is one hell of a year!!!! Let's make a resolutions, let's always stay friends though we may have our disputes this family tree's got deep routes friendship is thicker than blood. That depends on trust, depends on true devotion, depends on love, depends on not denying emotion.....its gonna be a happy new year <3 post comment

[24 Dec 2008|11:15pm] I do a lot for a lot of people....all the time.....and i go above and beyond my call as a friend for a lot of people..... Just once....i would like not to be the second thought....just once i'd like to be on the A-team inside of the B-team....and i would like to be a first thought instead of the after thought......im not asking to be the priority, but im asking not to be the option....just once.....and i would like not to have to cry or bitch or even have to say anything, i want for it to just happen....thats what i want from Santa....because im so tired of being the "oh and what about kelly...." OH YA.?!? god yea know.....i just wish and i dont want to be told that, that isnt how it is....because how it is and how it feels are completely different....and you cant change feelings by saying "thats not how it is....." PROVE IT.........thats my christmas wish...... Prove to me that i mean something to someone.... I hope you all have a happy holiday....a Merry Christmas! and A really Good New Year......heres to hoping next years isnt as bad as this one.....<3 dear santa can you hear me? post comment

Annoyed...good grief.... [21 Dec 2008|01:28pm] I've been done classes for over two weeks and i still dont have my one grade yet from one of my classes. I just dont understand what it taking so long. Its very frustrating especially since this is my hardest class and im a little nervous about my grade. I hope i did well in the class, rumor has it Nutt doesn't fail anyone, so i'd hate to be the first one he does yea know what im saying? lol.... Christmas is in a couple of days and im starting to get excited! I want mom to open her gifts im anxious to see if she likes them. and i want the baby to play with her new toys because thatll be fun!....i myself didnt ask for anything exciting so theres nothing im anticipating, which i guess is cool.... wrestling season as started and that blows, i hate wrestling, it is the most UNorganized sport that men can possible run....good grief, its like people sit around for hours on end to wrestling one match its really crazy.....hopefully its a good season for the boys! post comment

[05 Dec 2008|11:17am] Well the holiday season is here and soon it will be christmas.....and to be real honest......im having a hard time dealing with this.....the main reason is because Christmas has been in the stores since halloween.......corporate america is so worried about pushing everything along that it doesnt even feel like the holidays have passed..... not to mention mother nature cant make up her mind....one minute its 32 degrees and freezing and the next its sunny and 60.....im complete thrown off by all of this....that its hard to fatham that christmas is in 3 weeks...... the semester is over on Monday....cross your fingers <3 post comment

i think i'm alone now.... [19 Nov 2008|10:24pm] I use to say when i went to Stockton, that i felt alone. And i'm sure at points i felt alone in the sense that i just missed being at home with my friends, and i felt like no one at Stockton understood me at times. And at times they just didn't understand my past and my friends were all home together and i missed being apart of everything.  But in reality i was never really alone, i could go to Beckys, run to Joys, hang out with people at Stockton, and even if they didn't quite understand my past they understood me, and they were always there if i needed a friend, or wanted to hang out. I always had someone... I feel alone now....i feel alone and i can say that because my friends are miles and miles away from me. I feel alone because i sit at home with nothing to do, because i have no one to do anything with. I sat at home all day sunday watching TBS movies....i felt like a complete pathetic loser.  And i dont know what to do to make it different or how to change it. Because my friends are far away. The people i use to call up so we could go do something now are at college, and although i go to school i go only 2 days a week and the rest of the time i am home, bored....out of my mind. I use to hang out all the time at Sherrys but things arent the same between us so i dont spend time there as much or even at all anymore, and thats odd. Its a weird sick feeling..... I just i wish that i didn't feel alone, i wish that i had friends who were home and did things...i wish that i wasnt alone.... i think im alone now.....</3 post comment

SAD =( [11 Nov 2008|08:52am] so football is offically over....well the season is, it was an amazing season and i managed to get quite a few pictures......we had a website but that caused drama apparently.....but the season was amazing...Division Champs....aint that something!!!! Hey and theres always next year to win the whole thing! Although im not gonna lie im gonna miss all the A kids---well most of them! It'll be the first time in a few years that joey won't be coaching them which is odd.....but Billy moves up which is cool....... But YAY for a great season...and we still have the allstar game which will be my final picture taking of this years football season =( then we move on to wrestling which although is exciting, isn't as fun as football, everyone cries at wrestling.....but im sure itll be fine.... This week has been a lot better then last........and on an interesting note....the semester is almost over....how odd...3 weeks and i'm done ....wierd isn't it????? ---- i wrote that last entry last week when i was just having a rough week......sorry......and im not retarded....not totally at least =) post comment

[22 Oct 2008|11:28am] This is probably going to be an entry that is all over the place...and for good reason....thats where my head is....all over the place.... So this semester is in full swing and its already midterms already....i cant believe it, our semester is going by really fast!!!! Its times like these i wish we had a fall break like the rest of the college world! My classes arent too bad ...more boring then anything....however i am super glad that i have some fun people in them!! The newbies to the program are fun, minus the one girl whove i disliked since i was an undergrad, she makes me want to call leigh and just be like "omg you wont believe who im stuck with" but even the old heads are fun....always an interesting time in class!!! Im hoping that ill be done by next christmas depending on how the exam goes of course!!! Football is in FULL BLOOM and it going really really well.....and im having a blast taking pictures.....much much more entertaining then taking video all the time! Joeys team is doing well 4-3 with 2 more games to and they are 1st in their division which is exciting..... the kids really came together and when they want to play they are amazing! Hes staff is even good this year, negative on the drama...minus every once in awhile when CJ decides he wants to show up to a game and be a coach or whatever he decides to call himself! Pennsgrove is this weekend and if everything goes right...the team should be 5-3 which will be good!!!!! And besides that---life hasnt sucked too bad---im managing without my friends being home-----i dont like it at all, but im managing....i went to DC and visited Celeste that was super fun!! and it was an amazing day....im glad i went!!!!!! Christmas vacay will be here soon enough!!! and everyone will be home~~~and we can do christmas shopping!!! i need to think of something cool to get mommy!!!!!! im cranky this week---and i have the worst cramps ever!!!!!! and im just annoyed at life----im annoyed that these midterms and my paper are all together and that i just dont have time in a day to get it done or the time to take off bc i need the money! so im trying to make due! and im getting stressed and crying bc im stressed and have my friend....ahhhhhh ---tell me you love me-----even if its a lie-----make me believe it post comment

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